You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it! – Robin Sharma
Apparently this is true, you are set out your life and only allowed to deal with circumstances you are strong enough to deal with. Well 2018 you did yourself proud! Life in the long run hasn’t been an easy ride, and maybe one day I will go into more detail of my past but for now lets just tackle this last year. 2 0 1 8 !!
Wow, what a year, it’s been the year that’s dealt me so many twists and turns. It’s pushed me to my limit. I’ve found out stuff about myself that I didn’t know before. I’ve dealt with issues I never thought as a mother/ woman/fiance I would ever have to go through. I didn’t feel like any of my circumstances were making me stronger, I felt like a failure. Over the past few months I slowly started giving up. I fell into a deep depression on the inside yet on the outside it was difficult to tell. Many a night I had tears rolling down my eyes as I went to sleep. Sleep was restless, the dreams were there and they never seemed to want to go away. Throughout the days as much as I wanted to get things done, I had no energy, no motivation, no get up and go – it got up and went. There has been no laughing, no fun energy, no looking after myself, no nothing and it’s just been getting worse and worse. The thoughts were there that people would be better off without me, that no one should have to go through the circumstances I have dealt with. And to top it off I’ve been left in the worst debt I’ve ever been in in my life.
Well, last week I broke, sat alone in the car (well, with a sleeping baby behind me) I sobbed and I cried. I begged God and my Angels to help me. To guide me on my way. I promised I’d listen to them again instead of the dark thoughts surrounding me. I gave my life to them!
You are never so lost that your angels cant find you! Copyright Peter Davies and Georgina Ford
So, what do I do from here?
Do I continue on my journey on self destruction. I can continue to listen to the dark thoughts and watch everything I have disappear and watch those who I love walk away, or I can listen to my Angels like I promised and wake myself up and get my shit together!
Well, the first option doesn’t sound like a pleasant option, so I’ll go with the latter!
I’m not even waiting til 1st January 2019 to start, I’ve already started. I’m closing a door on 2018 and everything I battled with it. And I’m already listening to my Angels, I’m following their guidance. Since breaking down to God and my Angels I’ve sat and battled in my head everything that has been bothering me. Everything and Everyone that has bought me to where I am now. People who have wronged me I’ve forgiven. Situations that I’ve been left in I’ve thanked for making me stronger. My past is my past and to be able to move forward to the life you want to live you have to forgive and be able to move on. Don’t dwell in past! The past doesn’t control you, you control your future. And I’m ready to control mine – with the help of my Angels of course!
Here’s to an amazing 2019!!